KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRACLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID'S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRACLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. HE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Dear Phillip,
I don't know how to say this, but you're a perv. I think I realised it when I tied my shoes in London, and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that the garbage-man turns me on. I'm sending back the pillows, but I'm keeping your left ear as a memory.
You should know that I have never laughed in public about your cocaine addiction.
Your eternal enemy, Lindsay





Dear- your partners name- (if you're single, write John)

I don't know how to say this, but __1__.
I think I realised it __2__ __3__, and I saw you __4__ __5__.
I'm sure you're __6__ enough to understand __7__.
Im sending back __8__, but I'm keeping __9__ as a memory.
You should know that I __10__ __11__.
__12__ /-your name-


1.THE COLOR OF YOUR SHIRT:

blue- our romance is over
red- our affair is at an end
white- I'm joining a monastery
black- I hate you
green- our horoscopes doesn't match
grey- You're a perv
yellow- I'm on the streets
pink- Your nostrils are an insult
brown- the mafia is after you
no shirt- You're a loser
other- I'm in love with your sister


2. WHAT MONTH WERE YOU BORN IN?

January- that night
february- last year
mars- when we were skinny dipping
april- when I was high on sesame seed ( lol? .__.)
may- when I was shaving your legs
june- when you put handcuffs on me
july- when I threw up
august- When I saw the tiny head
september- when your dwarf bit me
october- When I was taking a walk
november- When I tied my shoes
December- When your dog went crazy

3. FAV FOOD?
tacos- in your house
pizza- in your van
pasta - in London
Hamburger- Under the bus
salad- while you were eating enchiladas
chicken- with Chuck Norris
kebab- in your closet
fish- in woman-clothes
sandwich- at the mental hospital
hotdogs- in trans
other- with mr and mrs Bush

4. WHATS THE COLOR OF YOUR SOCKS?
yellow- hitting on
red- insulting
black- ignoring
blue- punching
purple- pour syrup on
white- carve your name in
grey- tear the clothes of
brown- put leeches on
pink- steal the toupee from
no socks- sit on
other- chasing out


5. WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR?
black – my best friend
White- my father
grey- john travolta
Brown- my whoopee cushion
purple- my pie
red- th cookiemonster
blue- my alovera plant
Yellow- my pen-pal from Ghana
Orange – my Carl Larsson-collection (whoever that is D8)
pink – my cat
no underwear – my Cartman-statue
Other- The crazy monk

6. WHAT DO YOU WATCH ON TV?
Scrubs - man
O.C. - sensitive
One Tree Hill - open
Heroes - ashamed
Lost - turned on
House - cowardly
Simpsons - scarred
the news - Mongolian
American Idol – masochistic
Family Guy - senile
other - frost-bited

7.WHAT MOOD ARE YOU IN RIGHT NOW?
happy- how bad I've been feeling
sad- How boring you are
bored- that your Honda sucks
angry- that all your pimples are in the last stadium (lol wut? XD)
Depressed- That I have changed sex
exited- that there's no solution to
nervous- the Middle east
Worried- that we're cousins
apathetic- that Santa doensn't exist
Ashamed- that I'm allergic to your hamster
Hugable- that the garbage-man turns me on
exceedingly happy- that I'm a clone
other- "Deal or no deal" sucks

8. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDROOM-WALLPAPER?
white- your ring
yellow- your love letters
red- your Darth Vader-poster
black- your pet rock
blue- the pillows
green- the pictures of Portugal
Orange- your artificial teeth
brown- your cellphone
grey- our matching snoopy-bibs
pink- the old toe-nails
other- your military service-memory-box

9. THE FIRST LETTER IN YOUR NAME?
A/B - Your picture
C/D - the oil-stock shares
E/F - My virginity
G/H - your neighbor Carl
I/J - The blood-test results
K/L- your left ear
M/N - Your suicide-note
O/P - my sense
Q/R - your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V/W - your crime records
X/Y/Z- your highschool grades


10. LAST LETTER OF YOUR LASTNAME?
A/B – shall always remember
C/D – never will forget
E/F – Always will try to forget
G/H – will inform The Swedish Tax Agency(uh yeah..XD)
I/J – have always felt dirty because of
K/L – have never laughed in public about
M/N – am makin a movie about
O/P – throw rocks at
Q/R – informed the psychiatrist about
S/T – get sick when I think about
U/V/W – told the news paper about
X/Y/Z – never liked

11. FAV DRINK?
water- our friendship
beer - pensioner
Soda- a new life as a clone
milk- eskimos
wine- cocaine addiction
Cider- a passionated intrest for mice
Juice- woody allen-imitations
limonade- your embarrassing rashes
Whisky - destroying the 2nd world war
other- hating Shrek

12. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION?
Thailand - Best wishes
Sweden- love
England- With pain
Spain- Go f*ck youself
China- gross wishes
Germany- With relief
Japan- go to hell
Greece - Your enternal enemy
Austraila- say goodbye to your pet frog Leonard from me
Egypt- Go now
France- Good luck
Other- Say goodbye to your creepy family from me.